Monday, June 23, 2008
Acceptance & Courage
It's funny how quickly Josh & I accepted that our girls had DS. I really feel like that was a blessing from the spirit. Don't get me wrong--it was devastating at first. All the things that we had hoped for and planned on were up in the air and we questioned what they would be able to do, but the acceptance seemed so easy. By that evening it had sunk in and we were ready to move forward with things. They were so beautiful just as they were lying there in the hospital. We would not want them any way other than the way they arrived. My problem now is the courage to move forward. I worry so much about the future. They are so healthy now, what will we face medically later? Will I have to deal with the heart or skeletal problems, thyroid issues, or the Leukemia that is more common among those with DS? Where will I get the courage to address all of their developmental concerns & learning abilities? How will this affect my other 4 kids? Will I have time to do it all well or will I fail all 6 of my kids? How do I deal with the emotions of my other kids when they are embarassed because of their sisters' handicaps (I have no doubt that they will all have to go through their own form of acceptance one day)? I know that there will be times when others will be uncomfortable around them (I ALWAYS was uncomfortable around people with DS). How do I have to courage to handle that gracefully? I recently read that 90% of people who find out they are having a DS child abort. A large number of people out there don't think my daughters' lives have any value. They may say mean things or treat my girls poorly. How do I find the courage to forgive them instead becoming defensive and angry? How do I answer questions that they may ask as to why they can't be baptized, go to the temple, marry, or be a mother someday? How long will they even live? Will I have to bury 2 of my children one day? I know that every child has an uncertain future, but these little ladies have a more predictable uncertainty. I just don't know how I find the courage to go by faith and know that however things turn out, it was meant to be. I am not complaining by any means because I would never want anyone else's set of problems and concerns. I am comfortable with my own, I just wonder sometimes how to embrace the "courage" as much as we have embraced the "acceptance".
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
9 comments:
Oh Kim! You are so strong! I know it's a big challenge, and I cannot imagine a better mother than you. I've been thinking a lot about you guys lately and I hope you know how many people truly admire, support and pray for you. I don't know if you've read the VT message for this month, but it sure helped me. There's a quote that says something to the effect of women's divine role is to be a mother and we are truly happy when we embrace that. And there was another one about we were prepared for the challenges we'd have in the mortal life, and God gave us them because he knew we could handle it. I KNOW you can do it! Thanks for keeping us posted! :) We sure miss you and Grace keeps asking if Gabi can come and play. Hopefully soon!!
I'm sitting here crying my eyes out at the enormous mix of emotion you are dealing with. I'm certainly not an expert in the area, but every time I see a person who is mentally disabled, the first thought that comes to mind is how much Heavenly Father must have loved them to send them here in a way that would ensure their return. And he must have know that you would have the strength to care for them in a manner that would please Him. They really are little beauties, and amazingly special ones at that!
I work with kids who have special needs, and they teach ME something new every day. We live in an era where people with disabilities have many more opportunities than in years past.
Check out the blog www.mommylife.net She gave birth to one child with DS, then subsequently adopted 3 more.
During high school I did the peer tutor program where I would help out with the students with special needs and my favorite ones were the ones with DS because they were always so accepting and loving. Don't get me wrong I also had my struggles helping out, but in the end they were the most memorable. The moment I heard your little girls had DS I immediately thought how lucky these little girls are to have you as their mum. I can understand where there will need to be a lot of courage and I think courage will come one day at a time, one doctor visit at a time and one hug at a time!
Kim, whoever you are, you are a hot mamma!! I have been a secret admirer of yours for a long time. :)
You just do it one day at a time. And, Heavenly Father will be with you there every single day to help you through.
It was a pleasure having your three kids in primary on Sunday. Your little James is such a cutie. He kept saying the funniest things! Like how there were two James's in primary, so the next time they called on James, it would be his turn!
I would like to tell you that there is NO WAY to get over the "becoming defensive and angry." Over time it just gets easier to deal with. My situation is the same and VERY different all at the same time. I know that people are going to ask questions and there are days when you would rather crawl under a rock and hide then talk about it one more time. Kids and adults will look and stare, some will make not nice comments and other will give you a smile that you need to go on with that day. You will have a life that no one will understand but you and Josh. Your kids will love them and stand up for them no matter what.
My boys don’t put two and two together with Travis. The other day we were watching family movies of Spencer when he was small. He got really quiet and said, “How old am I? “
“Two” I said, and then he said “Mom why doesn’t Travis talk and run like I did?” I couldn’t tell him. I didn’t know what to say. I said “he will one day, right now he just needs more help then you did.” That was good for him for now. Adam thinks all babies go to therapy. He shouldn’t know what therapy is at the age of 4, but he does.
Your kids will do the same.
I would never say that I know everything that you’re going through. What I do know is that you will need your family and friends now more then ever. You will need to call on wards members to pick up your kids form school, take them to soccer games, birthday parties and so on. TAKE ALL THE HELP YOU CAN GET. You will be a better person and a stronger family because of your girls. Good Luck and God Bless you!
Wow, reading these comments of your friends just tells me how wonderful they all are, and how many supporters you have.
I have been thinking about you so much, and I just feel how wonderful you are because you did embraced these girls with such love and acceptance so quickly. You have always been someone who I looked up to as a child, and you were always the strong, go getter. And you will be the best that you are able to, and that's all that these sweet spirits could ask for.
Kim, I found your blog through Julie. I have been thinking about you and want you to know how strong I know you are. All your your thoughts and worries are completely normal. The amazing thing is that the Lord will help you through all those times and moments. You will be able to give these girls so much becuse you are that type of person. Those around you will see your amazing girls for who they are because you do. We think of you guys often and cannot wait for you to come back so we can help you. I can't wait to hold one of the girls or both during sacrament. Or anytime!! :)
Post a Comment