Round 2

When I look at this picture of Natasha it's hard to belive that she is sick. This is before she went in for surgery to look at her bone marrow. They were able to confirm our suspicions in about an hour. She has leukemia too. Here is a picture of her less than 24 hours later after she had surgery to get her port, her lumbar puncture and her first chemo. We are heartbroken. We knew it was likely but it doesn't make it any easier to take. She was officially diagnosed on Tuesday the 4th of October. More details will be posted on ourlittlesilverlining.blogspot.com.

Due to her leukemia, our fall trip to Florida has been cancelled. My other kids are trying to be strong but they are disappointed and angry. They want to know why so many bad things are happening to us. Josh and I have no answers. These sweet little angels mean so much to all of us that it is a struggle to watch them go through this. We have hired some help so that we can devote more time to our kids and less to cleaning and errands. Also, our neighborhood has been kind enough to bring in meals 3 times a week. Josh's work has just been incredibly understanding. They have given him time off when she was in the hospital and have worked with him on days when Tasha has had procedures. Hopefully, since we know how things work now, things will go much smoother for our little TashaBear.

The Black Cloud

Abigail has been in a pretty intense course of treatment so we have been very occupied lately. She really is so strong and can handle the intensity of the chemo very well although she did have to have a blood transfusion last Wed. Trying to get her to take her meds is the most difficult thing for her. The doctors told us she would probably stop walking again in this phase, but she is holding tight to her Independence. I have really come to admire her resilience. At last check in June Natasha was still free of the Leukemia.

I wish it was just leukemia that we were dealing with but it seems like so much is coming at us lately that is just unreal. I started joking recently that a black storm cloud follows me around and just rains on me every chance it gets. We moved all of our stuff up from Florida and put it in a storage unit close by. Apparently we picked the wrong one because it was full of mice. We had no idea what we were in for. They did thousands of dollars in damage and we had to throw away mattresses, rugs, and our living room furniture. We have spent hours cleaning and sanitizing anything that we wanted to keep. We have been working on it for months and we still aren't done. Some had even made a nest in one of my kitchen boxes and partially chewed through the cords to my rice cooker and crock pot. I wasn't happy that I had to chuck kitchen appliances too. I am grateful that we are at least able to live with my parents for a bit longer so we can save to replace all of the stuff that we once had. I'm glad I used to feed mice to my snakes.

Just this last week the black cloud attacked again. Thurs. I was doubled over in pain and finally called the doctor. I found out that I was 6-8 weeks pregnant and miscarrying. Surprise! I had written any symptom off as stress related. Friday afternoon the doctor called and told me the pregnancy was actually ectopic. By 6:30 am on Saturday I was being prepped for emergency surgery. My left fallopian tube was damaged so they just removed the whole thing. The recovery has not been easy. I have too much to do to be flat in bed for several days. I am not supposed to lift my kids for another week and a half. How do I do that with a baby? I used to want a busy exciting life, now Josh and I are just begging for some peace and calm.

Girls Week

This is definately girls' week. Monday we celebrated my niece's birthday by getting mani-pettis at a spa followed by lunch. Tuesday was a Relief Society mother daughter pajama party.

Yesterday was the best of all. Through a local charity organization we were invited to a princess party. It was held at a beautiful reception center. As we entered, they announced each of my daughters' names and kingdoms (i.e. "Presenting Princess Gabby from Earth"). We had a catered dinner where my little girls delighted in their fancy glass goblets. All the Disney princesses then came down the stairs and out into the garden where they got to meet them. Our portraits were taken, we ate cupcakes, and then we even went for a ride in a real horse-drawn white pumpkin carriage (photo of this is on a camera in my mom's purse). It was absolutely amazing! All the kids there were fighting cancer or another life-threatning illness. Several other girls were bald too. Sweet little Abigail even made a friend.

Nate's Funny

I have to share this quickly so that I don't forget and I can tease him about it when he is a teenager.

Nate (to Josh & I): Can I take male enlargement pills?

Kim: What?!

Nate: Can I take some male enlargement pills?

Josh: Nate, where did you hear about male enlargement pills?

Nate: Grandpa gave me some hunting magazines to read and there is an advertisement inside for male enlargement pills. I am the shortest in my class almost. Please can I take them?

Josh: No Nate.

Nate: Seriously Dad, most of my friends are a whole foot taller than me.

Josh: NO!

I couldn't answer him because I was hiding behind the counter laughing.

Yesterday Josh and I took him out to dinner for his 10th birthday. On the way to the restaurant this was the conversation:

Nate: Mom, Dad I really want to take male enlargement pills. I am waaaay shorter than all the boys and I hate it. If I took male enlargement pills I would be taller and be able to play basketball better.

Josh: Nate, you will get taller soon. You are in a growth spurt right now.

Nate: But one of the advertisements guaranteed that you could grow 5 inches in 60 days or your money back.

I didn't hear anything after this. I was doubled over so he couldn't see me laughing. Poor Josh has been in a position where he could be seen both times.

Busy Days

With Josh working and me spending most of my days at the hospital or home with Abigail things have been busier than ever. Somehow it is harder to coordinate my life through others than it is to "just do it". Wed., Gabby had her first volleyball game. She is straight ahead in the grey. She played just like I do. That poor girl! I took the kids to therapy this week because James was being tested by an OT for issues with writing. I had to take a picture of this pose of Corban. His therapist calls it "The Playboy".

Saturday, Josh and I juggled our schedules to take all the kids on dates. Since I was already taking the kids to an event for the siblings of chronically ill kids, Andrew and I had a date playing around with Spiderman...

and eating an unhealthy lunch. We both had a really good time. He has been amazing since things started with Abigail and I have been very surprised at how good he has been.

I don't have the wrestling pictures with me but I am hoping to post them later. At their first wrestling meets, Nate & James both wrestled twice. They both lost the first match but made up for it by pinning their opponents in the first round of their 2nd matches. Both of them! At one time we were trying to watch both wrestle at once. Since they had only had 3 wrestling lessons I wasn't expecting them to do so well. I was just hoping they wouldn't get wounded their first time out. Now they are sold on the sport and poor Gabby spends a large portion of her after school life in a Half-Nelson.

Abigail's blog

Since I feel like my life right now is CANCER CANCER CANCER, I need to make some changes. I want to make sure that our family blog is not monopolized by all the ins & outs of Abigail's fight with Leukemia. It feels like life will never be normal again but I still have 6 other kids who are doing some cool stuff. Coming soon are posts about 2 amazing wrestlers and a volleyball player. In the meantime, Abigail gets to be the star of her new blog:

http://www.ourlittlesilverlining.blogspot.com/

It is more of a journal than anything. There are a lot of things that have happened that I truly never want to forget. That being said, here is my favorite picture of Abigail:

Photograpy Help

Does anyone know of a good photography studio in the SLC area? Abigail should not be out in public and the weather stinks, so people who use natural light would probably be out for that reason. We also need someone who has the ability to switch around heads because I doubt we can even get everyone looking. If anyone knows a really good place, please let me know. She could start losing her hair in a week and we would like to get in before it gets too thin.

Drama within a drama

We had been juggling kids in & out of the hospital for 3 days before we learned that Corban was allowed to stay up there with us. He is still nursing and it made things so hard for us when he was away. Sunday we had him up with us all day. He slept most of the time which we considered a tender mercy at the time. That evening when he woke up I picked him up to change him and he was burning up. Abigail's nurse was in the room and took his temp.--104.5 degrees. In 2 minutes I had him fastened into his seat and on the way to the ER. Luckily, it was just downstairs. We called a friend of mine that lived close by and she was up at the hospital in 15 min. ready to be with Abigail (thanks Marne!). Poor little Corban was cathed, poked and swiped everywhere you could imagine. Not only were they trying to locate the source of Corban's fever, but we needed to know what Abigail had been exposed to to help her fight it. They found nothing and sent us home. 2 days later Corban develped a rash. Stupid Roseola!!! I felt so terrible that I put him through that for something that simple. Better safe than sorry right now.

On another note, Natasha's blood tests are normalish. There are 2 abnormal numbers but she was coming down with the flu. Doctors say that her numbers are more consistant with the cold than Leukemia. They will check her in 3 weeks or so but she looks and acts just fine. Hurray!

Hospital Stay

Abigail was in the hospital until late Monday night. I was impressed at how well things went. There was a cancellation and surgery was earlier than expected. She had to have her bone marrow biopsy in both hips because her bone marrow was so crowded they struggled to get what they needed in just one side. It turned out (if I understand this correctly) that about 70% of her bone marrow cells were cancer. It is a really high percentage. Her bones hurt because of all the crowding. She looked so awful for that first 24 hours that it was hard to believe she was the same girl that was playing just a few days before. I tried to find photos to show the progression over the 5 days. It took 2 platelet & 2 blood transfusions to get some color back into her face--even then it is still pale. She got her first dose of chemo during the surgery. They did a spinal tap to see if the cancer was in the fluid and then added some chemo back in for good measure.

With the chemo comes steroids which cause her to swell & retain water. She came home from the hospital about 4 pounds heavier than when she went in.

24 hours after surgery (she is holding her O2).

She was so happy to be held by Aunt Cassie. It allowed her parents to eat, shower & have a much needed break.

This is the first thing we could get her to eat (thanks Aunt Jeni & Uncle Shad!) followed by Ramen of all things.

I had the nurse take the picture to show how much space she left me on her bed! I was expected to lay with her on only about 8 inches of mattress. I chose photos that show her smiling, but this was pretty rare. She screamed anytime someone in scrubs entered and she was sure the blood pressure machine would be her death. She had to have me lay right next to her with my arm over her or her leg over me. It broke my heart that she was so scared & clingy. To all those who make blankets to donate to Primary's THANK YOU. This was one of her soft blankets that was donated. The hosp. ones are so scratchy for kids that we used the donated ones.

Sunday night Abigail was allowed to leave the unit (no kids allowed) for a few minutes to see her sisters, cousin & uncle. Here is my brother shamelessly feeding her fruit snacks. No wonder she loves Uncle Clinty!

We are so grateful to the staff that took care of her. We were able to get to know some of them and feel really blessed for their gentle touch and sincere concern for her. We also want to thank everyone for your help and outpouring of love. We feel so blessed to have so many wonderful people praying for us. We have truly felt so much peace as a result.

Leukemia

Abigail was diagnosed at 2 a.m. this morning with Leukemia. We had taken her in because her leg hurt and she wouldn't walk. We went from probable toddler fracture to Leukemia in 2 hours. 13 hours later she was in surgery getting a permanant port, spinal puncture with chemo, and a bone marrow biopsy. Tomorrow or Sat. she starts 2+ years of cancer treatments. The success rate is 80%. Another fun statistic is that Natasha has a 50-75% chance of getting it. If not now, eventually. Please keep our little fighting angel in your prayers. If you live locally and would be willing to help over the next couple of years, please e-mail. We will need sitters, rides, and baby holders for 2 more years at least.


The irony is that last week I avoided our latest Corban news because I always think it sounds like I am trying to be dramatic. The reality is that he is severely delayed in gross motor skills, moderately delayed in fine motor skills and mildly delayed in receptive language skills. All this means is that he is 6 months with only a 3 month old's skills. I was devastated and could not believe it was really happening to us. I guess I just had no idea what was coming down the pipe.

No Stinkin' photos

My dear 4 year old lost our camera. The last photo I have was shot on Dec. 23rd. We have combed the house and it is nowhere to be found. I am ready to scream because I feel like I have missed documenting so much of Corban. So, we are looking to buy a nice camera. If any of you have any that you like/suggest, please let me know. I want one that is nice enough that I can actually see my kids in the assemblies instead of having some vague blurry picture of kids on a stage ;)

Therapy hasn't been doing a whole lot for Corbs so it looks like he will end up with a specialized collar soon. I actually want it so I can get things "fixed" and move on. The twins just started a "preschool prep" course 2 days a week and they love it. It just basically gives them structured time with a teacher that is not mom. Looks and sounds very much like nursery!

I left the best for last in this post. Josh has a job. (Insert crowd cheering [and we are a crowd]). I always thought we were supposed to be in FL but I guess I was wrong for now. He is the accounting manager for a biotech company that makes an early detection autism test. I have to laugh because we want to donate a test subject... Since our kids are feeling settled, we are going to be with my folks a bit longer. The rent is cheaper here and we are anxious to make a dent in student loans. Also, trying to find a home in the area of a particular elementary school isn't all that easy. Currently our only option is a 3 bedroom - 1 bath. Um....I think not.

With Josh being gone about 11 hrs each day things are just nuts. I cancelled most therapy for the twins but I still have other kids. We have ice skating lessons, wrestling, 2 different preschools for Andrew (this is for MY benefit), scouts, piano, and other errands. I am glad that my mom is walking better so that she isn't tripping over all the stuff that gets left on the floor as we are loading the car in a panic--late as usual. Sometimes Josh & I ask each other who gave us permission to have all these kids? I miss the blogs I used to look at weekly. If yours is one of them I am still looking it's just monthly these days.

Corban's News

Our sweet little Corban has grown so much. I think that is why I am so sad that I haven't been documenting it on our blog. Little did we know that this picture of our cute 3 month old would later tell his future. See the angle of his head? I noticed that he liked to look to the right when he was only a week old. I figured that we were going to have a flat head on our hands and started to make an effort way back then to change things. It didn't work.

The angle continued to get worse whether sleeping or awake.

This picture is from December. His lips are just funky in the photo. They don't normally look like this, but his head angle does. He was officially diagnosed yesterday with a condition called Torticollis. Here is a link to a website with simple information if you are interested:

http://mytortsupport.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=25&Itemid=28

(disregard the video)

Torticollis is a twisted neck in which the head is tipped to one side, while the chin is turned to the other. If it goes untreated it can cause spine issues, facial asymmetry, pain etc. He starts physical therapy next week. Luckily, he will be able to go at the same time as the twins.

My first thought was "You have to be freaking kidding me?! How much more crap can we take?!" Now I am just extremly grateful that we have so many wonderful therapists. It was actually one of the twins' PTs that finally vocalized her concerns--twice--that made us get him evaluated. His torticollis is not too bad, but not too good either but we do have the hope of a full recovery with normal facial positioning and neck control. We are especially lucky that we caught it early. After about 6 months it can start doing more permanent damage. It may sound very strange after this post, but I know that Heavenly Father is looking out for us in spite of our many recent challenges. I believe that our son can make a full recovery only because of the inspiration of a very observant therapist. Here is a more recent picture of our Gabby-look-alike waving hello.